Triggers

Last weekend, Eric and I had our first dinner out without the children. Nearly 11 weeks of togetherness and I felt ready to take a little time for the two of us. I knew the right person for the task, she teaches at Jake's old preschool and can handle all kinds of situations. And the dinner would last maybe just over an hour.

 Impromptu dance party

I told all the children that day of the plan for the day. I have figured out how early to tell Kofi something so he is prepared for the change in routine but not too early where he will start to worry about it. We talked what he would be doing, how fun it would be and Jake was even explaining to him how fun Ms Sheila is. I was so proud of how concerned Jake was in making his brother comfortable.

When she arrived, I could tell Kofi was starting to feel anxious. Without going into details, he was trying to prevent us from leaving. To someone else, the behavior wouldn't have seemed like anything big, but to me it was big enough to do something about.

I took Kofi to his room, we sat on the floor and talked. I once again told him what we were going to do, but none of that was making a difference. Finally I cradled his face into my hands and I told him: "I am not going to leave you. I promise, I will be back". Suddenly, the wall broke down and he gave me the tightest hug and tears welled up in his eyes. Thank you God for giving me the right words to reach him. Not just because I desperately needed some time with hubby but for Kofi's sake as well.

Kofi loves to play baby

We are learning daily about our children's triggers. Without knowing everything about their past, this seems like detective work and sometimes the task seems impossible. Without prayer, it would be impossible. Each child has their own triggers and the ways that they show their grief and fear. I am beginning to learn how to recognize their triggers before complete melt downs happen and most days we succeed. We are building trust and I feel more like their Mommy who knows their hearts.