Responding with grace is hard, but lately that is what I have felt in my heart. I was reading an adoption blog, and there was a small sentence about extending grace to people around us. That stuck in my mind as I thought about some difficult conversations I have had with a family member. She does not understand our adoption and is rather vocal about it in family situations. My instant reaction is to defend my position, defend my family and argue my way through the conversation. I have tried to have a private conversations explaining our journey, all the way God has provided and orchestrated every single detail. I thought, if I just explained it eloquently enough, she would see that something beautiful is transpiring and she would join in our excitement. Well, that hasn't happened no matter what my strategy has been.
Then, I decided to respond with grace. When a hurtful comment was made, instead of feeling righteous, I responded with grace and kindness. When she did not ask questions about the status of our adoption, instead of feeling hurt, I enjoyed her company as it was. When a funny story from our trip to Ghana came to mind, instead of forcing her to listen to it, i shared it with someone else. Grace. Grace. Grace. I can't say that it was easy. My lip was bloody from all the times I bit it to prevent my mouth from opening. I practiced deep breathing to lower my blood pressure as it began to rise.
As the dynamic of our relationship began to shift, I realized that responding with grace was just as much for me as it was for her. Slowly, the tension is melting, my guard is coming down and I relax again in her company. Trust is being built and conversations have honesty behind them. True reasons for this hesitancy to support us is becoming clearer and there is progress.
The only reason I share something this personal is that I know I can't be the only one experiencing this. It could be because of adoption or any life situation that God calls us to that is "out of the comfort zone" for people. What is the response that I should have? What yields the desired result? For me, it has been grace. Over and over and over again.
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Grace, grace, grace. I need to be reminded of this. A lot.
ReplyDeleteAnd, for some reason... it won't let me comment when I am signed in but this is Nik from (We've) Ghanna Crazy <3
ReplyDeleteOh wow. Your words were so spirit-filled Jenni. Thank you so much for writing them out. I was certainly blessed by reading them. For me, grace and forgiveness are very difficult--especially when I feel "wronged" in the adoption worled! Recently I posted on my blog about how I don't want to be that person that carries around the stress of unforgiveness--even if the person doesn't "deserve" forgiveness. Ahh...grace. That's what grace is! I'll wake up tomorrow with grace on my mind, thanks to you. Can I lik back to your blog from mine?
ReplyDeleteOh Jenni...how I needed to read your words today! The relationship you describe is that of my relationship with my entire family! We have no support from my parents, my sister, or anybody on my side of the family and it is so painful sometimes. Thanks for the reminder that grace doesn't only benefit the person on the receiving end. <3
ReplyDeleteThis was just the perfect thing for me to read today. I need to use grace more often. Thank you for reminding me.
ReplyDeleteHey Jenni! Just wanted to stop by and tell you to go check out my latest blog post! I think it may make you smile!!! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this...I have this family member too. I needed this encouragement and challenge :) God give us grace, and because of your great grace help us to show it to others.
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