Decisions....again.....

This past week has been a wonderful roller coaster ride. While I thought we would settle into a wait for our court date, God had other plans. Our home study and our I-717H approved us to adopt 3 children. We have been referred 2. Then we got a message: would you consider adopting another one? (well, there is more to it, but I will keep it short)

All week we prayed about a child and what this little ones place would be in our family. Without revealing too many details on a blog, I feel that this child will always have a special place in our family regardless of adoption. Somehow, I know we will always have some type of bond.

To be perfectly honest, I was happy to pursue this adoption. I could see our family growing and our love expanding. This child would have a place in our family and fit right in. I was nervous about our finances and my ability to nurture all 5 children simultaneously, but I figure if God was in this plan, what is there to be scared of? As I reached a confident "yes" in my heart, a different decision was made by others. This child will remain in Ghana for now.

We will be a part of this child's life through sponsorship, which we set up immediately after finding out that the adoption was not approved yet. Who knows what the future holds for this precious little one? Well, God does, but the rest of us will wait and find out. Maybe there is an adoption in the future, maybe not. I feel that this past week brought our family to a new place spiritually as we urgently sought His will regarding this child, our family and our obedience. I was physically exhausted from all the work He did in me, but I am so very grateful for it.

On a different note, we have decided on family names for our two children. They will keep their Ghanaian names as their first names (will reveal those after we pass court) and their middle names will be:

JOY and ELI

They can then choose which ones to use. We love their Ghanaian names and their birth mom explained to us where those names came from. We don't want them to sever that connection, but they can also blend in a little better using their middle names:)

God is calling me to Africa!!!

Emmi in her traditional Ghanaian dress

My daughter has been praying for our family to adopt for many years. She would mention it during the years she was an only child and then when her brother joined our family, she once again would ask if we would adopt. I always said that we have room in our home and in our hearts, but we want to be sure the time was right. This was mommy talk for "I want to, but I am overwhelmed and not sure where to begin".

Ready for summer camp

Now that she knows who her brother and sister are in Ghana, she has asked us repeatedly, if she can travel with us. She has a compassionate spirit and she wants to learn about her siblings culture and homeland. But beyond that, I have a feeling that Africa is calling her the same way it has called me for years. She wants to learn and help and make a difference.

Saying good bye during camp drop off

This year at summer camp, the children lived like an African child for a day. They ate rice and beans, carried water, learned about human trafficking and about diseases. She was broken as she thought about her siblings and what their reality could have been, if they didn't find themselves at an orphanage. This day was a moving experience for all the children, but she felt that this was personal.

Pick up day- note the exhausted look on everyone's faces:)

Later that night, she prayed with her camp counselor as she was clearly overwhelmed by all that she had learned. As we were driving home from camp (before she fell asleep from pure exhaustion) she couldn't wait to tell me: "God is calling me to Africa! I don't know when or how, but I'm so excited" The same tugging that has been on my heart for years is now shared with another member of our family.I am so thankful for her sweet spirit and compassionate heart:)

Waiting....is.....hard...

There is nothing easy about waiting. While many activities occupy my time, there is an underlying feeling of time standing still. I check my e-mails many times a day in case someone has posted pictures of their trips, shares a funny story when they met our children or e-mails to commiserate about waiting.

I miss these little toes and the little princess they belong to. I miss my son running towards me flashing his bright white smile and giving me the tightest hug. I can't wait to see them again and have them meet their brother and sister.


But for now...we wait....

Waiting Child

KISSES IN THE WIND   

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

--- © Pamela Durkota, written for Josh

Pictures....

Pictures are so important to families who wait for their referred children to come home. Through the internet, I have "met" families who are traveling to the foster home. It is so nice that they take time to take pictures of our little ones and share them with us once they get home. I managed to send a care package to K and A with one traveling family and a photo with another traveling person (Thanks Anita, and the Briggs family!!!) This, I hope reminds our little ones in Ghana that we miss them and can't wait to see them again.

Today, I came home tired after a busy week of work and evening activities. I miss K and A more each day  as I have not seen any pictures of them since we came home a month ago. I wonder about their health and well being. Then, I found a link on facebook that had pictures of our smiling boy. He looked happy, healthy and full of his usual energy:) There was also a picture of him holding a red tractor that Jakob had sent with us for him. It was his treasure and I was so glad to see he still had it!! Melt my heart...

So until I can hold and love our kids again, the pictures are what keep us connected.

Unfortunately our little princess wasn't in any of the pictures. But, it didn't surprise me since she is rather camera shy and so tiny compared to most of the other kids.