Thursday, April 12, 2012

Our New Normal

Adding two children to any family is a challenge. I have four brothers, two of them have twins and I know they would agree with me. Adding two children with a past that is filled with grief and disappointment adds a whole 'nother layer to the process. Each behavior is looked at and analyzed "is this normal kid stuff or is this something else" and I second guess myself all the time. I want to give them opportunities to explore our world a bit, yet give them the security of familiar things. No book I have read addresses every situation I encounter and I wonder if I am making right decisions as things happen. As a "type A perfectionist", this is really where God is stretching me the most. There are days when laundry and other chores wait as I spend a good part of the afternoon helping to heal a heart that is grieving and hurting. I have to say no to commitments because my priority is the attachment of my children. 

Kofi started school (half day kindergarten) and I found myself analyzing every comment from his teacher and every story he has told me. He has wanted to go since day 1 as he feels schooling is a privilege he didn't always have. Also his brother and sister get to go and he felt inferior because he was at home. I also thought the school could make a plan for placement for next year as they got to know him this school year.

We went to a book fair at the school and I quickly found out that sending him was the right choice. He was interacting with his peers, his teacher and the principle (Kofi calls him "School Master", which our principle likes very much!). It has not interrupted our attachment process either. Actually, the times he is home are more relaxed and fun filled as he feels that once again we kept a promise to him. He has a wonderful teacher, he gets private instruction from an ELL teacher and he gets to spend recess with his brother.

Some of the things I need to work on is finding balance in all aspects of my life. For nearly 8 weeks, my sole focus has been creating our new family unit, fostering attachment while ensuring all our children feel loved and valued. Normal things like dates with hubby or even regular showers :) have not been a priority. But I feel like in our "new normal" I am ready to rediscover myself and ALL the roles in my life, not just the Mommy side.

God has also been whispering about new directions in my life and I am quietly taking note of it. I know it's not time for something new, but I know our adoption journey was the tip of an iceberg for something bigger. I felt it in May while in Ghana and I feel it just the same today.


  1. I'm enjoying reading your reflections on your first days home. It brings back so many memories of when we brought our daughter home from Ethiopia 2 years ago. Now we are in-process to adopt from Uganda and may wait for a sibling pair. When things settle down for you, I'd love to talk to you about Ghana! Blessings~ Bonnie

    1. Congratulations on your adoptions! Please, email me any time to talk about adoption.